171 - Let Your Yes Be Yes
Affiliate links have been used in this post! I do receive a commission when you choose to purchase through these links, and that helps me keep this podcast up and running—I truly appreciate when you choose to use them!
Resources from this episode:
The Work & Play Weekly Checklist (Free Download!)
Show Notes:
“Priorities are what we do, everything else is just talk.” I love that phrase. My husband works for an organization called C12, and they say that all the time, and it just re-centers you and re-grounds you on the fact that what we do matters. It's not what we say, it's what we do.
I had a hard time coming up with the title of this episode and I landed on “Let Your Yes Be Yes,” because that's the biblical truth I just kept coming back to, but I also thought about naming it “Saying vs. Doing” or “Teaching vs. Modeling.” The heart of what I want to talk about today is simply the idea that we can say a lot and we can have a lot of great ideas, but really our lives come down to what we do. My encouragement to you today is simply to let your yes be yes.
For the full episode, hit play above or read through below.
Okay, before we get into the episode, I wanna share something with you because I've been getting so many questions about it—I created this online course called An Integrated Life, and really excited about it, really passionate about it. I launched it right before I had Benji, so that was oh, in 2021. . And I have not opened the doors to it again, and I've been getting so many messages like, I'm really interested in this. When is this happening again? And I honestly just, y'all know the year I've had, it's been crazy. I just haven't had the time or capacity to do it. But I wanna let you know, mark your calendars for December 1st. I'm opening the doors to it again. And if you really wanna make sure you don't forget and you know when the door's open, head here and go ahead and get on the wait list now, because I am going to be emailing everybody on the wait list and letting you know about it. It'll only be open for a short time, but it's coming back beginning of December!
Okay, let's jump into this episode that I feel like is very important and very vulnerable for me because I've been thinking about this in my own life. And I just want this episode to be like a really heartfelt challenge to you and to myself. Simply asking the question:
Is my yes, yes?
Is my no, no?
Am I a woman of my word? Am I dependable? Am I honest? Am I truthful? Do I tend to exaggerate? Do I get really excited about ideas and say I'm gonna do a bunch of things but then never actually follow through? These are kind of hard questions, and these are things that I've had to learn and relearn and relearn and relearn again and again in my life, especially every time I have a child, I feel like I have to relearn my capacity and what I'm able to do. And then when that child turns a certain age, I have to relearn what I can say yes to and what I can say no to. Because it's always changing as a mother and as a person.
It so depends on the season of life that you're in, but my encouragement to you is just to kind of stop today and examine this in your life. And I want us to ask ourselves this question in light of our work and in light of our play. So I'm gonna get a little vulnerable with you, and I want you to just pause in the middle of your week and whatever you're doing and think: Is my yes, yes? Is my no, no?Am I a woman (or man) of my word?
So let's think about it with your work. Do you do what you say you're gonna do? This idea came to me because I started thinking about all the things that I teach here on the podcast and that I read about and that I believe are great work practices. Having a startup routine, having a wind down routine or what I like to call shut down complete, really planning for time to do deep work where you cut out all distractions and you get in and you do good deep work, being an email ninja where you just set a timer and get as many emails done as possible.
Do you have your systems? Do you follow through with the plans that you make?
And I'm just gonna be real and tell you that lately I have not been doing much of any of these things. Granted, it's just a crazy time in my life and I've just had some really big ups and downs with childcare, so I feel like I've just been trying to make this podcast happen and make my work happen and the nooks and crannies of my life or on the fringes of my life, and that's okay. That's okay. And I'm telling myself I know that's okay, but also I want to be a woman of my word and I wanna do the things that I teach. I don't wanna just teach them.
There's this phrase in some parenting book or class or something that I heard, maybe it was a sermon, I don't know. And the phrase is: More is caught than taught. And I am a big believer that I think the biggest impacts that have been made on my life or the biggest impact that you can have on someone else's life is not necessarily what you say to them, but just in how you model your life. I was talking with Will the other night, and we have this friend who is just an incredible athlete. He's done endurance events, so many Ironman competitions, and he's extremely disciplined physically. He's also the most personable, loving person. I mean, he and his wife are, they're just an amazing couple. They have such a vibrant marriage. They always are having people over to their home. They are very involved in our church, they serve in our church, and he works so hard and is really good at what he does. He's kind of one of those people that you just look at and you're like, Wow, that's amazing. And he's so disciplined in his life, but he doesn't really go around like telling everybody how to live a disciplined life or here's what you gotta do to have an amazing marriage, or here's what you gotta do to be awesome at work. He just does it.
And just looking at him gives you hope—like, I can do that. I mean, not me specifically, but like He just makes you want to be physically disciplined, have a thriving marriage, be awesome at your work. Like those kind of people, just by how they live their life, just by what they do, make you want to do the same. He does life. He models life. He doesn't just talk about it or teach it.
So my question to you is, who is that in your life? Do you have anyone in your life who you can look to and say they are modeling good work? and what does that look like? And how can you model that in your life? Because I know that I really value a good strong work ethic, working hard, being disciplined. And I just want to encourage you to kind of get that picture in your mind of some of the values that you have about work? What are some of the things that you've said about work, how you want to work? And does that match up with what you are actually doing?
Okay, now, not only do I value hard work ethic and letting your yes be yes in your work and modeling what that looks like to have healthy, good, hard work in your life, but I also value being able to cut work off and be done with work when it's time to put it away and to be present with your family and friends. And that is hard, but really, really important.
So now I just wanna ask you about play. Your play time, your time to yourself, your time with your family, your time in your marriage, your time on the weekends. What does that look like? What do you value about play and rest and leisure? What do you say that you value? What do you teach your children about Sabbath and being present and yeah, what do you say? And then contrast that with what do you actually do? Because what I believe, I believe life is to be enjoyed. People are to be enjoyed. Relationships are so important. I mean, that's the stuff of life that you really wanna invest in. Your marriage, your kids creating memories, having a Sabbath once a week, resting, laughing, enjoying each other, board games, you know, having fun, going and experiencing music and the arts. And also just having margin in your life to kind of be spontaneous every once in a while, which these are things that I say that I value and I truly do value them.
But when I look at my life and I take a hard look at my life, I just, Oh, it's hard. It's hard, y'all. It's hard because I'm like, do I do that? Oh, do I do those things? Not all the time, not all the time. We've really been wanting to embrace a Sabbath as a family.
And Will and I have been fighting for this and talking about it a lot. And we certainly don't do it perfectly, but I'm actually gonna be releasing an episode all about how we do our own Sabbath next week, so you can come back in to hear a little bit more about that, but what are the rhythms and things that you're actually planning into your life so that you can play? So that you can truly enjoy the people in your life and that you can just enjoy God and His goodness and His creation and the beauty around you?
I'm gonna leave a link in the show notes to my friend Emily's blog post about leisure. And this really got me thinking because she talked about just the example that her parents set and like what she remembers about them enjoying life as a kid. And they're simple, very simple, right? Like her mom's magazine or the shows that she watched and her dad reading and you know, just simple pastimes that her parents did. And they, they intentionally did those things in front of their children as their children were growing up. And this is something that this blog post really stuck with me and I encourage you to go read it because it made me think, what am I doing in front of my kids to model play? Not just playing with them and not just creating play dates or going to the park or you know, mommy pretending with them or painting with them or setting up something for them to do.
What am I doing for me that is actually modeling, “Hey, as a healthy adult, this is how I am enjoying life and I am enjoying play.” So I read this blog post and then I went to the library I think the next day. And it was so funny because usually the library for me is just nuts, okay. So I take the kids in, I let them each pick out three books usually—with four kids, that's like 12 books. And then usually they pick out more than that. So we end up leaving with like 15 to 20 kids books. And by the end of the library I'm just so stressed out because Benji is just over a year and so whenever we go in there, he just, he doesn't wanna be held anymore, he wants to crawl around. But as he's crawling around, he's just tearing the books off the shelves and like throwing them everywhere. And I don't know where they came from or what shelf they came from or where they're going. So then I have to pick him up and then he's arching his back and wanting to get down again because the books are way more fun than being held by mom. And I'm like, “Come on guys, let's go. Let's go. Like, pick out your books. Come on, it's time to go.” So usually it's just like a mad rush and then everybody needs to go to the bathroom. It’s wild with our family, but I really want to cultivate a love of reading in them.
So I do it and I take them there. Well, this time, this blog post was in the back of my head, like, okay, how am I gonna model leisure? And I had heard about this book on another podcast called The Maid, and someone was talking about how it was like her favorite book that she read this year, and it was a novel and it was like a mystery thriller and the characters just sucked her in.
She was like, It was so good. She went on and on about it. And so on the way out of the library, we had already checked out, everybody took him to the bathroom, I was ready to go, Benji was arching his back and trying to get outta my arms. And I stopped by the front desk and I said, Could you look up and see if you have The Maid?
Listen, I don't even go to the adult side of the library. I hate to say that, but it's so true. I just don't. Like, the library is for the kids. And then we go and we leave, okay? The moral of the story is she got The Maid for me, I checked it out for myself. I had the best time reading it. I cannot even tell you.. y'all, this book was so good. I had the best time reading it. And I just thought, there's no guilt in me just sitting outside in this chair reading this book that is so good with while the kids run around and play outside and Benji's crawling at my feet because it's modeling leisure. And I just had this epiphany that I need to model doing the things that I love to do to show them, to give them a path to what it looks like to be a healthy adult. Because Emily in her blog post was saying how much she remembered those things about her parents and now how she tries to incorporate that into her family life and her own life and in doing it in front of her children. I just love, I love that perspective.
And so that's my question to you: What do you value about play? And are you actually modeling it? Are you actually doing it or does there need to be more play in your life? And if there does, what does that look like?
I know one area I really wanna work on is just planning some time for some friends to just hang out. I know that sounds so simple, but I wanna go first and I wanna ask them and invite them to just hang because it's just busy, you know? It's busy. And I think we can always think all these other people have these friendships that are so amazing and so good, and why don't I have that friendship? And it's just, you know what, it's time to model it. I have decided just after thinking on all of this and letting my yes be yes and modeling instead of teaching and doing, instead of saying, just really letting my life kind of speak for itself. I've just decided that what that looks like is just going first and being an adult and saying, I need to schedule these things into my life. So Matthew 5:37, Jesus is talking about, you know, you don't need to make an oath. You don't need to make these vows to God and not fulfill them. It's better to not make a vow at all. And then he goes on to say in, in verse 37, But let your yes be yes and your no be no, for whatever is more than these is from the evil one. And it's simple and it's beautiful. But that's my encouragement to you is to just let your yes be yes. Let your no be no, and know that that is enough.
One way that I try to make sure I'm a woman of my word is by planning my weeks. And every week before the week begins, I sit down and I pray through my week, I look at all my appointments and I plan them out, and I have a system to do it where I plan out my work and I plan out my play and I've actually written it all out for you so that you can download my simple checklist, a one page checklist to making your work more effective and your play more fun is totally free.
Reba McIntyre said,
“Mama was a stickler on keeping your word. That's helped me to make the right decisions in so many situations. Because of that, I also think really hard before I make a decision because I know I'm gonna have to see it through.”
Thanks for listening and I'll catch you next time.